I think I am always going to have some kind of parenting goals. I always feel that I could have done better, or managed a situation better, especially when it comes to dealing with Jack’s meltdowns. This is a post that I will keep adding to throughout the year. But this is a start
1. Controlling my emotions when disciplining the children.
I will be honest there are times when the kids just drive me to the edge and it is usually due to them not listening, not doing what they are told or fighting with each other, all the usual stuff. And sometimes I lose it and end up shouting at them. I know it is not productive, and it is only going to make the situation worse, but it is an impulse thing.
The situation gets extremely worse if it is involving Jack as he will just let out a really high pitched scream at me and can go into a full meltdown. Shouting at them doesn’t make them stop and listen, it doesn’t ensure they will do the right thing next time it just creates hell in our house. As soon as I have done it I know I shouldn’t have and I realise straight away that I’ve just made things a hundred times worse.
I was brought up in a shouty house, but back in those days being shouted at, was the lead up to a clip around the ear. So if you were shouted at you listened.
I suppose my first parenting goal is to try and control my emotions when disciplining the children and not to yell at them. Jack can get an extreme temper on him at times. He can be the sweetest boy on earth one minute and completely lose it the next. I want to be able to help him control his emotions, and him seeing me lose my cool is hardly going to put him on the right road. I would like to be a calmer mum and be able to deal with the children in difficult times much calmer.
So I have been having a good think about this over the past few days. Firstly I had a discussion with both of the children about shouting and of course, we all agree that we would all rather live in a house where no one shouted. So we have agreed to all help each other with this task.and I can obviously deal with situations better and calmer when I am not stressed and I am in a good mood. So and I can obviously deal with situations better and calmer when I am not stressed and I am in a good mood. So this links in with another goal of mine this year, which is self-care. I really need to start doing things for myself, that make me happy. My view on this is if I am a happier less stressed person, chances are I am going to be able to deal with things more calmly.
2. Find effective ways to get the kids to behave.
My second is to try and find effective ways for them to listen and do what they are told. It is only very occasionally that I have problems with Lucy. Lucy has her moments when she won’t listen to me, but Jack can be quite hard to control. I am still learning on how to deal with his behaviours, which as I previously mentioned can be extreme at times. It is hard to know if the bad behaviour is to do with his condition or if he is just being naughty. Either way, he needs to learn that certain behaviours are not acceptable. So I think it is about just finding the right way to deal with him.
I have been doing a green and red point system for good and bad behaviour. Last week I wrote out on a large sheet of paper all the behaviours that are not acceptable and that will result in a red point, and the extreme behaviours, such as hitting, will result in losing screen time. The only problem with this is when I go to give Jack a red point, he completely loses it, he’ll go into panic mode, hanging off me, hitting me trying to stop me from giving his the red point. This has also been the result if I have taken a toy away or taken away his screen time. So whilst I have found a consequence that he cares about, carrying this out causes all hell to break loose and makes the original problem much bigger. I really need to get a grip on this before it becomes completely out of hand.
3. One-on-one quality time with each child.
This isn’t too much of a problem with my youngest, as she finishes school an hour earlier than Jack, so we do get the chance to have some time just me and her. Although that hour is sometimes spent rushing around doing things, so I’m going to make a conscious effort to do something nice and just spend time together with no distractions. Getting time with Jack on his own doesn’t happen very often, being a single parent, I either have both kids or neither of them with the exception of that hour I just mentioned. So this is something I am going to have to try and sort out one way or another, especially due to the behavioral difficulties that Jack is having, I feel some one on one time is needed and would be really beneficial.